One thing I am learning is that I have to pay better attention to what my body is telling me. I also need to learn to let go a bit and better embrace saying no, which often makes me feel guilty. Even now, learning my new normal, I tend to overdo things. I spread myself thin and then when I can’t do I feel lesser.. or worse, resentful. This spills over most often in my relationships.
These days I have stepped back quite a bit. I spend most of my time at home in the garden, which had become a little more familiar a routine lately due to quarantine. I reach out less often but I am trying not to feel bad about that. Frankly, most days I am still trying to figure this out. Yes, I have lost contact and most have dropped away but I have found a strange peace in that amongst the quiet of my plants.. I am doing what is needed to heal.
I spend my good days with those I love and the not so taking care as best I can so that I can have more good days. When I find myself troubled, I have a little ritual of letting go.
the little ritual of letting go
light a candle, preferably one that grounds or soothes.. breathe in it’s scent. Take a few cleansing breaths and write those troubles on a piece of paper (or a bay leaf from the kitchen- very cleansing). Holding this to your heart with the issue in mind, with a simple spoken “I choose to no longer hold space for this”, light the paper on fire. Drop this into a heat proof dish.
when ready, return the ashes to the earth – I often do this in the garden letting the wind carry it away at its own discretion. If it ever sneaks back into thought, acknowledge it and set it aside. Having already been released, there is no point in dwelling or bringing it back. One can only do their best and personally, I choose to make space for better things.